As I grew up, I rebelled and lived my life for myself, but He patiently waited for me, and a time came when I had finally reached the end of myself. I had become an ugly, angry, overweight, bitter, deeply depressed shell of a woman who's best friend was a bottle of Mick Ultra. I had even told my husband that I was leaving as soon as our son left for college for the spring semester.
January 4, 2006 was my day of redemption. That was the first day of the next three years completely free from alcohol. During those three years I depended completely on Jesus. He placed in me a deep desire to be pleasing to Him in mind and body. I wanted to be obedient in every aspect of life. I was invited to an awesome church and began attending every Sunday. I began to eat healthy and exercise, and lost 30 pounds within a year. I filled my mind with His Word, and was careful what I watched on TV, and began listening to Christian radio. I was so hungry for Him! My marriage was restored! Everything about me was changing, which didn't come without some conflict in our home. The change in me was a full blown radical change, which was difficult for my husband to accept at times. A born again believer can be hard to handle at times, and I definitely was, and still am!
Are you ready for the shocker??? You had better sit down for this one.
Then the year 2009 rolled around. That moment the enemy waits for had arrived. I was primed and ready to give in, and the enemy knew it. I caved before I even knew what hit me. "But it's okay to have just one drink with dinner once or twice a week..." Those are the words I kept hearing in my head. In my spirit I knew that for me, that wasn't true, but I gave in. It actually worked for a while, but over time the one or two drinks became more drinks, and the once or twice a week became more frequent. I can honestly say, and I'm very thankful that I am not where I was before I was free from alcohol, but I am certainly not where I was spiritually, mentally, or physically during those three wonderful years of freedom, and for that I am heart broken and ashamed.
Today is January 4, 2013, the seven year anniversary of the day I tasted real freedom for the first time. Today, by God's grace and mercy, history repeats itself as I taste real freedom once again!
You might ask why I chose to publish this...I'm struggling with that one, myself. Seriously though, over the years, I've shared various struggles, but I've been too ashamed to share this one. The enemy loves to tell you lies like, "Don't tell anyone. They won't understand. They have their own problems. You don't need to burden others with your problems, etc..." So yesterday it occurred to me that today would be the perfect day stop listening to those lies and start over, and that it was important to share this particular struggle, not just for my sake, but for others who struggle with addictions, whether it be alcohol, drugs, food, etc. I've shared it with no one outside of my own household until now, and that, in and of itself, is liberating! No more hiding.
I trust that this will reach those who are struggling with their own addiction, whatever it may be, and if you are a born again believer, that you will be reminded of who you are in Christ Jesus, and if you are not a born again believer, that you will consider turning over your struggles to Him. We are not promised a perfect life without struggles, but we ARE promised that He will NEVER leave us or forsake us. In Joshua 1:5, the Lord says, "No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you."
Pray for me, and I will also pray for you. Blessings to each and every one of you, and may you have a truly happy new year.
Click on the link below to hear Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzGAYNKDyIU
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